Old Dad Tales Of Bulls*t: Border Incident

We made a brief trip up to Southern Ontario a few weeks back. Personal business. One of those last minute things. Considering the current politics, was a bit apprehensive over the thought of possible border crossing issues. Inquired on obtaining a passport card, but was told 3-4 week wait time. Ta' boot, they currently weren't issuing them anyway because of the U.S. government shutdown. After driving five hours, we sure as heck didn't want to get turned back at the Canadian border. Our business couldn't wait. Nor did we want to. Made a few phone calls to the authorities and explained the situation. "Just gonna' be in Canada for at most two hours to pick something up - then we're gone." Was told by both U.S and Canadian officials to just pack a photo drivers license and an original birth certificate and "you should be fine". Did just that and made it there and back with no problem. The border guards couldn't have been better guys. 

Had Previously lived and worked in Buffalo, NY for four years. With occasional business in Southern Ontario we'd traveled that Peace Bridge border crossing probably a hundred times. Back then ya' usually just flashed your drivers license and you were good to go. Guess that currently could be called the good ol' days. 

Still, and as always back then, upon reaching the border we were prone to always recall a past, amusing tale told to us by our old buddy Big John, related as follows with a bit of "editing for depth" on our part...

(Internet Image)

Two or three years out of high school and a casual friend from school, Dino, having since procured a pretty good job, purchased a brand new car. As an added reward to himself he arranged, along with a few other friends, John included, an extended road trip. The route was to take 'em cross country, final destination the southwest U.S. terminating in San Diego, CA. There they would visit with a few other relocated buddies as well as John's brother and dad. 

Arriving in San Diego, and after visiting and renewing old friendships, and with no set itinerary, their trip expanded to south of the border into Tijuana, Mexico. A day or two of fun in Tijuana and the boys are set to return. All is well as they arrive at the border crossing for re-entry to the USA. The crossing guard checks their credentials, deems all is good, and waves the crew on thru. John, always good for a wisecrack or two, seated rear seat behind driver Dino, nudges Dino on the shoulder...

"See... I told ya' they don't check the fender wells"... words uttered deliberately within earshot of the border guard...

"OK smart ass - pull that car over into the lot!" responds the guard. 

They pull into the lot and are left stewing for about a half hour while the guard goes about his business at the gate. About another half hour later the guard arrives in company with a border patrol pickup riding two inspectors. The inspectors hop out and move to the bed of the truck and begin sorting floor jacks, tools and jack stands. The boys are ordered out of the car and are left to watch as the inspectors go to work...

"Make sure to check those fender wells good!" orders the guard, with direct glare at John.

The inspection proceeds as efficient as a Formula 1 pit stop. After an overall exterior and under frame visual, they initially have the hood and trunk lids open, performing thorough visual inspection of the engine and trunk compartments. Dino occasionally glances John's direction, repeating "##@@!! YOU, JOHN!!"

The interior is next, which includes unbolting and removing the front and rear seats... they rummage thru the glove box and console, perform a visual under the dash, feel about the roof liner...

"##@@!! YOU, JOHN!!"

Next they loosen the lug nuts on all four wheels, place a floor jack front and rear, lift the body and off come the wheels... there's a thorough inspection of the fender wells and again the underbody...

"##@@!! YOU, JOHN!!"

Dino now stands watching in shock as his new car sets wheelless atop four jack stands, front and rear seats setting on the asphalt parking lot along with luggage and all else that they were carrying. Papers scattered throughout the interior...

"##@@!! YOU, JOHN!!"

Finally, the guard walks over...

"You guys are good to go."

Off struts the guard back toward his post. The two inspectors return to the pickup, both pulling metal floor jacks rattling across the pavement. They load their jacks and tools and depart. Dino, John and crew are left to put it all back together. 

"##@@!! YOU, JOHN!!"

Some time later we ran into Dino while out having a few beers. Eventually, in conversation, we brought up John's retelling of the incident...

"##@@!! JOHN!!" was his only reply.

We related this tale to an actual border agent who was a neighbor on the same block as us in North Tonawanda, a suburb of Buffalo. He said that those guys actually got off easy. The agents could have pulled all the door panels, dismantles the dash - a total number of things. "They could also have held those guys in custody for 72 hours for thorough background checks... they were lucky that the agents were just teaching them a lesson.."

Needless to say, John never got invited along on another road trip - unless he drove alone.

A Wednesday Prayer

Let us pray...... 

(YouTube Video)

....... the Reverend Arnold...

Build It Better (At Least For Us)

A few years back we purchased a 'Suspenz All-Terrain Super-Duty Airless Canoe and Kayak Cart'. Pretty much the most heavy-duty advertised carrier for totin' kayaks and canoes that we could find on the market. In our case canoes. Requisite rough terrain and long distance capable. It pretty much sat unused in the gear room since purchase. We recently got back around to its attention. First off performing an initial test rigging and pull around the back yard. The load was a 34" beam, 14ft length (polyethylene) boat, say a fully outfitted 60lb weight. We subsequently took the same rig out to the river side for further testing prior to practical use. The test site was our usual river put-in consisting of a (say) 200ft length approach along a graded and easily traversed side hill cut dirt road leading to a concrete plank boat launch. The final 60ft parallels the immediate left bank along the mouth of a small feeder creek before onto the launch. Situated within the flood zone, the launch site and last 60ft of approach is frequently submerged during high water river and creek levels and subsequently backwashed with river silt, sand and cobbles. The flood events are most prominent late fall, throughout winter and into early spring. Ensuing flood scar soft sands and scour holes are usually raked over or bridged with readily available large rocks and rip-rap boulders as needed. Typically a bit coarse repair. We made sure to pull the loaded cart over every bumpy rut and protruding large rock along that final rough approach. 

The cart, sporting large airless tire wheels, rolled great over even the worst of the terrain. We weren't quite satisfied with the load handling. The padded, adjustable factory "bunker bars", which support the load, just needed a bit more width and length. At least for totin' a wide, shallow arch canoe hull. The build seemed more aptly suited for a v-shaped or keeled kayak hull, similar to an ocean kayak. The canoe kept wanting to list left or right along the roll axis no matter how tightly strapped, dropping short side in between the bunkers. In turn the weight shifted accordingly to the high side resulting in imbalance and overturning the whole shebang. This was pretty much unavoidable on the rugged, rocky ground. 

We decided to replace the bunker bars. After removal, we fabricated four 3" angle brackets to which was bolted two 3ft length wood 1X4 slats as a deck. We had a few 1/2" thick unused closed cell foam floor mats lying about from which we cut-to-fit several strips for deck padding. Contact cement worked fine for their attachment. We considered aluminum angle as opposed to the wood slats, just for a bit more professional appearance. Stuck to our usual utilitarian ways, though. Just looking for performance. The slats can alternately be attached right-angle to the cart if more width is necessary. In that configuration the original bunker bars can be reattached at increased width. We don't see any need for that - and still a modular option. We're thinkin', too, that longer slats at a right-angle configuration may allow loading of two boats. Something to eventually test. 

We loaded this old Dagger OC1 to test it out. The boat rested a heck of a lot better. Pulled fine.

That boat has held up pretty well for the mileage. Purchased new in 1990 (see below)

The (otherwise roadless) local river gorge is easily accessed for endless miles along its length by a bordering rail trail bicycle and hiking path. Easy totin' for the canoe cart. Hence the cart's destined purpose - rail trail river access. Subsequently, at whatever intended destination reached we figure to stash the cart for later retrieval by bicycle. So we further fabricated a simple bike hitch attachment. Still a work-in- progress in these images, but the idea presents itself. Four piece assembly. A cut section of 3/4" galvanized EMT conduit bent at a 45º angle to clear the rear bike wheel. A matching straight section was u-bolted to the cart frame...

We found matching 45º EMT conduit fittings on-line, available from these guys 'Maker Pipe', for joining the conduit sections. We drilled out the connection to accept 1/4" hitch pins to hold the alignment and as backup should the connection vibrate loose while bounding along the trail...

A seat post swivel hitch was fabricated from a 1/2" cable thimble. The thimble and joining end of the 45-bent conduit was drilled out for fastening with another 1/4" hitch pin. First the conduit end was pressed flat to fit the notch separating the thimble. The flat was done by just pressing the pipe in the jaws of a work bench vise. The pipe flattened easily with no heating and with no subsequent splitting or cracking. A 1/2 split rubber pipe coupling was used for height adjustment of the thimble hitch on the bike seat post...

That's it - just needs a few minor adjustments

_______________

Pulled from the archives. A couple old scanned 35mm prints of fourteen-year-old strong-man Matt and his first ever whitewater trip in that OC1 - 1992

Did superb. Though, a bit hesitant "rail grabber" in this shot while following one of the few small drops we led 'em over.

Quickly got the hang of it... river...

... and creek...